No. 8.
Tsarskoe Selo, Oct.20-th 1914
My love of loves, my very own One, Again the hour of separation is approaching & the heart aches with pain. But I am glad for you that you will get away, see other things & feel nearer to the troops. I hope you can manage to see more this time. We shall eagerly await your telegrams. When answering to the Headquarters I feel shy because I am sure - lots of officers read the telegrams & then one cannot write as warmly as one would wish to. That N. P. is with you this time, is a comfort to me - you will feel less lonely as he is bit of us all & you understand many looks & things together which warm one up, & he is intensely grateful & rejoicing to go with you, as he feels so useless in town, with all the camrades out at the war, - Thank God you can go away feeling quiet about Baby sweet - if there should be anything the matter, I shall write "rutchka", all in the diminutive, then you will know I write about agoowee one. - Oh, how I shall miss you - I feel so low these days already & the heart so heavy - its a shame as hundreds are rejoicing to see you soon - but when one loves as I do - one cannot but yearn for ones treasure. Twenty years to-morrow that you reign & that I became orthodox! How the years have flown, how much we have lived through together. Forgive my writing in pencil, but I am on the sopha & you are confessing still. Once more forgive your Sunny if in any way she has grieved or displeased you, & believe it never was willingly done. - Thank God we shall have the blessing of Holy Communion together to-morrow - it will give strength & peace. May God give us success on shore & at sea - our fleet be blessed. Oh my love, if you want me to meet you, send for me & 0. & T. Somehow we see so little of each other & there is so much one longs to talk over & ask about, & at night we are tired out & in the morning are hurrying. I shall finish this in the morning. 21-st. How lovely it was to go to Holy Communion together on this day - & the glorious sunshine - may it accompany on yr. journey in every sense. My prayers & thoughts & very, very tenderest love will follow you all the way. Sweetest of loves, God bless & protect you & the Holy Virgin guard you from all harm. My tenderest blessing.
Without end I kiss you & press you to my heart with boundless love & fondness.
Ever, Nicky Mine, yr. very own little
Wify.
I copy out Gr.'s telegr. for you to remember:
"Having been administered the sacred mysteries at the communion cup, beseeching Christ, tasting of His body and blood, there was a spiritual vision of Heavenly Beautiful rejoining. Grant that the Heavenly Power be with you on the road, that angels be in the ranks of our warriors for the salvation of our steadfast heroes with joy and victory." Bless you. Love you. Long for you.
No. 9.
Tsarskoe Selo, Oct. 21-st 1914
My own sweet Love, It was such an unexpected joy to get your dear telegram, and I thank you for it with all my heart. Thats nice that you and N. P. took a turn at one of the little stations, it will have freshened you up. - I felt so sad seeing your lonely figure standing at the door - it seems so unnatural your going off all alone - everything is queer without you, our centre, our sunshine. I gulped down my tears and hurried off to the hospital and worked hard for two hours. Very bad wounds; for the first time I shaved one of the soldiers legs near and round the wound - I worked all alone to-day, without a sister or Dr. - only the Princess came to see each man and to what was the matter with him and I asked her if it was right what I intended doing - tiresome Mlle Annenkov gave me the things I asked for. Then we went back to our little hospital and sat in the different rooms with the officers. From there we went and looked at the little Pestcherny Chapel under the old Pala Hospital once - in Catherin's time there was a Church there. This has been done in remembrance of the 300 years jubilee - it is quite charming all chosen by Viltchkovsky, purest and ancient Byzantine style, absolutely correct - you must see it. The consecration will be on Sunday at 10, and we shall get our officers and men who are able to move, to come to it. There are tables with the names of those wounded who have died in all our hospitals of Tsarskoe Selo, and those officers too who received St. George's crosses or the gold arms. After tea we went to M. and A.'s hospital - they have several very gravely wounded men. Upstairs are 4 officers in most cosy rooms. - Then I received 3 officers who return to the Active Army - one lay in our hospital and the other 2 in my redcross station here; then I rested.. Baby said his prayers down here, as I was too tired to go up. Now 0. and T. are at Olga's Committee - before that Tatiana received Neidhardt alone for half an hour with his report - its so good for the girls and they learn to become independant and it will develop them much more having to think and speak for themselves, without my constant aid. - I long for news from the Black Sea God grant our fleet may have success, I suppose they give no news, so as the ennemy should not know their whereabouts by wireless telegraphy.
It is very cold again to-night. I wonder whether you are playing domino! Oh, my love, how lonely it is without you! What a blessing we took Holy Communion before you left - it gave strength and peace. What a great thing it is to be able to take holy Sacrement at such moments and one longs to help others to also remember that God gave this blessing for all - not as a thing that must be done obligatorily once a year in lent - but whenever the soul thirsts for it and needs strength. When I get hold of people alone who I know suffer much - I always touch this subject and with God's help have many a time succeeded in making them understand that it is a possible and good thing to do and it brings relief and peace to many a weary heart. With one of our officers I also spoke and he agreed and was so happy and courageous afterwards and bore his pains far better. It seems to me this is one of the chief dutys of us women to try and bring people more to God, to make them realise that He is more attainable and near tous and waiting for our love and trust to turn to Him. Shyness keeps many away and false pride - therefore one must help them break this wall. - I just told the Priest last night that I find the clergy ought to speak more with the wounded in this way - quite simply and straight out, not sermonlike. Their souls are like children and only at times need a little guiding with the officers its far more difficult as a rule.
22-nd. Goodmorning my treasure. I prayed so much for you in the little Church this morning - I came for the last 20 min; - it was so sad kneeling there all alone without my treasure, that I could not help crying. But then I thought of how glad you must be to get nearer to the front and how eagerly the wounded will have awaited your arrival this morning at Minsk. We bound up the officers from 10-11 and then went to the big hospital for three operations - serious ones rather, 3 fingers were taken off as blood poisoning had set in, and they were quite rotten. Another had, an "oskolok" taken out of his - another lots of fragments (bones) out of his leg. I went through several wards. Service was going on in the big hospital-church and we just knelt down on the top balkony during the prayer to the Kazan Virgin's Image. 'Your Rifles feel sad with you away. - Now I must be off to my supply train No. 4.
Goodbye "My Nicky love, I bless and kiss you over and over again. Slept badly, kissed your cushion and thought much of you.
Ever your very own little
Wify.
I bow to all and specially to N. P. whom I am glad you have with you - more warmth near you.
No. 10.
Tsarskoe Selo, Oct. 22-nd 1914
My own beloved One. It is 7 o'clock and as yet no news from you. Well, I went to see my supplytrain No. 4 with Mekk - they leave to-night for Radom I think and from there Mekk will go to see Nikolasha, as he must ask him some questions. He told me privately from Ella that she wants to go and see my store at Lvov, without anybody knowing about it - she will come here so as that the Moscou public should know nothing, the first days of November! We envy her and Ducky fearfully - but still hope you will send for us to meet you. It will be hard leaving Baby, whom I have never been long away from, but whilst he is well and M. and A. are there to keep him company, I could get away. Of course I should like it to be a useful journey - best if I could have gone with my train, one of the sanitary ones out to their destination to see how they take in the wounded and bring them back again and look after them. Or meet you at Grodno, Vilna, Bielostok where there are hospitals. But that I all leave in your hands, you will tell me what to do, where to meet you - or to Rovno and Kharkov - whatever suits you - the less one knows I come, the better. - I received Schulenburg who leaves tomorrow, (my train which Loman and Co. arrange) leaves the 1-st I think. Then we had the P-ss. for our lecture. We have finished a full surgical course, with more things than usual, and now shall go through anatomy and interior illnesses as its good to know that all for the girls too. -
I have been sorting out warm things for the wounded returning home - and going back to the army again. Ressin has been to me and we have settled to go to Luga to-morrow afternoon to my "Svietelka". It was a country house, given to Alexei which I took and arranged as a "dependance of my school of popular art," the girls work, make carpets there and teach the village women how to make them then they get their cows and poultry and vegetables, and will be taught housekeeping. Now they have arranged 20 beds and look after the wounded. - We have to take a short train, as the ordinary ones go slower and at inconvenient hours Ania, Nastinka and Ressin will accompany us three - nobody is to know anything about it. M-elle Schneider der only knows A. and N. are coming, - otherwise she might just be away. - We shall take simple cabs and go in our nurses' dresses to attract less attention and as its a hospital we visit. - M-me Becker is a bore, should be much freer without her. How vile one having thrown bombs from aeroplanes on to King Albert's Villa in which he just now lives - thank God no harm was done but I have never known one trying to kill a sovereign because he is ones enemy during the war! -
I must rest a 1/4 of an hour before dinner with shut eyes - shall continue tonight. -
What good news! Sandomir ours again and masses of prisoners heavy guns and quickfiring ones - your journey has brought blessings and, good luck again. - Baby love came down to say prayers again, as I felt so tired in every sense. My Image was in Church this morning and hangs now in its place again. - It is warmer this evening so I have opened the window. - Ania is in splendid spirits and enjoys her young operated friend - she brought him your "Skopin S." to read. - Ago wee one wrote out for me during dinner on the menu j'ai, tu as etc. so nicely; how you must miss the little man! Such a blessing when he is well!! I gave my good night kiss to your cushion and longed to have you near me - in thoughts I see you lying in your compartment, bend over you, bless you and gently kiss your sweet face all over. - oh, my Darling, how intensely dear you are to me; - could I but help you carrying your heavy burdens, there are so many that weigh upon you. But I am sure all looks and feels different now you are out there, it will freshen you up, and you will hear lots of interesting things. - What is our blacksea fleet doing? The wife of my former "Crimean" A Lichatchev wrote to Ania from Hotel Kist, that a shell had burst quite near on the place there. She pretends the German ship got one shot from us, but that he was not blown upby our mines, over which she went, because Eberh. had them (how does one say it? ausgeschaltet, I can't find the word, my brain is cretinised. Probably our squadron was intending to go out, she said they were heating the boilers when the shots flew - well, this is lady's talk, may or may not be true. I enclose a telegram from Keller sent through Ivanov to Fredericks for me - an answer to mine probably of congratulations for his St. Georges Cross. In what a state of nervousness Botkin must be, now that Sandomir is taken; - wonder whether his poor son is yet alive. - Ania sends you rusks, a letter and newspapers open. - I shall have no time to write to-morrow in the day, as we go for half an hour to Church, then to the hospital, and at 0n to Luga, back by 7 - shall lie in the train, takes 2 hours there and 2 back. - Goodnight my sunshine, my very Own one, sleep well, holy Angels guard your bed and the blessed Virgin keeps watch over you. My very tenderest thoughts and prayers hover ever around you - yearning and longing, feeling your moments of loneliness accutely. Bless you.
23-rd. Good morning Lovy mine! Bright and sunny! We had little to do this morning and so I sat nearly all the time and did not get tired. - We went a moment to Mme Levitzky to see her 18 wounded, all our old friends. Now we must eat and fly - too bad, C-ss Adlerberg has found out we go and wants to come- but I have told Iza to answer that she knows nothing and once I say nothing, it means I wish it to be kep secret, so as abetter to see things than when all is prepared. - - Goodbye Sweetheart, I bless and kiss you over and over again. Your very own Wify. My love to N. P. to whom we send this card. -
No.11.
Tsarskoe Selo, Oct. 23-rd 1914
My sweetest Love,
Thank God for the good news that the Austrian army is in full retreat from the river San, and what good news in Turkey - Endigarov is wild with joy and my "Crimeans". - I beg your pardon for having forgotten to send Ania's rusks, but I had to seal up my letter in such a hurry before we left, that I forgot sending them, but shall forward them to-morrow. Our expedition to Luga was most successful. When we arrived at the station we were met by old Mlle Sheremetiev (sister of Mme Timashev) who told me that there were two hospitals, and she thought I had come on purpose - I told her we should go there after the "Svietelka". We went off in three cabs, with the chief of police in front in a charming cart. The 3 hospital were very far from each other, but we enjoyed the primitive drive throu the streets and sandy roads into the pinewood - quite near the place where we took a walk then near a lake years ago ... Mlle Schneider got an awful shock when she saw us, as she never received Ania's telegram, and laughed nervously, excitedly the whole 20 M. we were there. 20 men lie in the little country house - they had been wounded near Suvalki end of Sept., but light wounds - they were evacuated from Grodno. They all came by the same train, 8o men on the whole, mostly regiments from the Caucasus. 0ne "Erivanetz" who had seen us at Livadia. - One Timashev daughter was in one hospital as nurse and a younger sister M-lle Sheremetiev at the head of another near the Artillery barracks. - Friede I suddenly discovered there. Many of the men were soon going off again to the army. They have a Kitchen at the station since 2 months and not one sanitary or military train has stopped there. On our way back we took tea. We knitted a lot and Ressin kept us company. - The weather was fine and not too cold. It is nearly 1. I ought to try and sleep - I had very little sleep these nights, tho' I kept the window open till 3 o'clock in the night. - Baby sweet motored in the garden, M. and A. drove with Isa, went to their hospital and then worked in the supply store. I received Alia who accompanys her husband on Sunday till where Misha is. - Goodnight my Sunshine, my huzy sweet, sleep peacefully and feel wify's presence ever near you full of love, ve, 24-th. I must finish my letter, then lunch, change and be off to town to my store and if headache not much worse, then to my Krestov Red Cross Station. - We worked all the morning and were very sad to bid goodbye to my 5 Crimeans, and lancer Ellis who are off with 3 others in a waggon with a nurse and 1 sanitary to Simferopol and KutchukLambat. - Mme Muftizade returned from the Crimea and brought me roses and apples. God bless you my Angel love.
I kiss you ever so tenderly, your very own Sunny.
Thank God my Alexander squadron has turned up. I was so anxious about them. Our love to N. P.
No. 12.
Tsarskoe Selo, Oct. 24-th 1914
My own precious Darling, well we got through everything alright in town. Tatiana had her Committee which lasted 1 1/2 hour; she joined us at my Krestov Red Cross Station, where I went with Olga after the supply store. Lots of people were working in the Winter Palace and many came to fetch work and others to bring back their finished things. I saw the wife of a Dr. there, who just had a letter from her husband from Kovel, where he is in a military hospital, where they have very little linnen and nothing to dress the men in, when they leave the hospital. So I quickly told them to put lots of linnen and warm undergarments to send to Kovel and a biggish Image of Christ painted on linnen (and brought as a gift to the store) as its a little jewish town and they have no Image in their hospital which is in barracks. I wonder how you spend your days and evenings and what your plans are. Our Friend was very pleased we went to Luga and in sisters dresses and wants me to go about more and not to wait for your return to go to Pskov, so I shall spin off again, only this time must tell the Governor I suppose, as its a bigger town - but that makes it always shyer work. I shall take then linnen with me to the military hospital which Marie said needed things, or send it after. - There were many wounded at the Red Cross Station to-day, one officer had been 4 days in Olga's hospital and said there was not such a second sister. Some men had very serious wounds. They had mostly been wounded near Suvalki, or been lying since some time at Dvinsk. - We read the discription of your visit to Minsk in the papers; I received a wire from the Governor thanking for the Images and gospels you had left there from me. - Now I must try and sleep, which I do very badly all these nights - cannot get off to sleep before 3 or 4. Goodnight my Sunshine, I bless and kiss you as tenderly and lovingly as is only possible. -
25-th. Goodmorning my love! I slept much better this night, only need to begin more heartdrops I feel, as chest and head ache. Thermometer is on zero this morning. - Ania is in excellent spirits this time. - Our Friend intends leaving for home about the 5-th and wishes to come to us this evening. Paul has asked to take tea and Fred. to see me, so we will lunch and then we have to go to the consecration of the hospital in the "Mixed Regiment" Which has got already wounded out of M. and A.'s hospital, who were already better and had to leave to give place for severely wounded. Now must get up and dress for the hospital and place candles at Znamenia before.
God bless and keep you, my Treasure. Have no time for more, Kisses without end. Ever your own old Wify.. The girls kiss you fondly. - Our love to N. P.
No. 13
Tsarskoe Selo October 25-th 1914
My own sweet Treasure,
Now you are off to Kholm and that will be nice and remind you of ten years ago. Loving thanks for your telegram it was surely pleasant seeing your dear hussars, and the G. a Cheval in Reval. - After the hospital this morning we went into 2 private houses to see the wounded - always old patients of ours. Fredericks came to luncheon, really he had nothing to tell, brought several telegrams to show and looked pretty well. At 1/4 to 2 we were at the barracks of the Mixed Regiment looked at the hospital arranged and had a Te Deum and blessed the rooms - the men looked very contented and the sun shone brightly upon them. From there we went to Pavlovsk, picked up Mavra who showed us over four hospitals. - Paul came to tea. He longs to go to the war, and so I am writing this to you with his knowledge, so as for you to think it over before you meet him again. All along he hoped you would take, but now he sees there is little chance, and to remain at home doing nothing drives him to exasperation. He would not like to go toRussky's staff as would be inconvenient, but if he might begin by going out to his former comrade Bezobrazov he would be delighted. Wont you speak this question over with Nikolasha? Then we went to the evening service in the new Pestcherny Chapel under the existing one in the big Palace hospital. There was a Church there in Catherin's time; after that we sat with our wounded; many of them and all the nurses and ladies had been in Church. Gogoberidze the "Er1vanetz" had just arrived. - Our Friend came for an hour in the evening; he will await your return and then go off for a little home. - He had seen M-me Muftizade who is in an awful state, and Ania was with her - it seems Lavrinovsky is ruining everything - sending off good Tartars to Turky and most unjust to all - so that they begged her to come to their Valideh to pour out their complaints, as they are truly devoted subjects. They would like Kniazhevitch to replace Layrinovsky, and our Friend wishes me quickly to speak to Maklakov, as he says one must not waste time until your return. So I shall send for him, pardon my mixing in what does not concern me, but its for the good of the Crimea and then Maklakov can at once write a report to you to sign - if you cannot let Kniazhevitch leave the army now (tho' I think he would be of more use in the Crimea) then another must be found. I shall tell Maklekov that you and I spoke about Lavri-Movsky already. He seems to be most brutal to the Tartars and its certainly not the moment when we have war with Turky to behave like that. Please don't be angry with me, and give me some sort of an answer by wire - that you "approve", or "regret" my mixing in - and whether you think Kniazhevitch a good candidate, it will quieten me; and I shall know how to speak to Masha Muftizade. - You remember he was angry she wished to see me about sending things to the regiment, and founded that Tartars must not show themselves in their drcsses before us, and so on offending them constantly. He may do better in another government; I know Apraxin is of the same opinion, and was deeply grieved by the change he found. -
Its nearly one, must try and sleep. I saw Alia and husband at 10 1/2, he joins Khan and Misha. -
26-th. We just returned from 2 hospitals, where saw wounded officers and the old Priest of your rifles from here, who got overtired and was sent back. - I enclose a letter from Olga for you to read (privately) and if you see her, can you give it back to her. I got another sweet letter from her to-day, so full of love, Dear Child, she does work so hard. Now, Loman's train (my name) will only be ready later, am so sorry. Wonder whether you will send for us anywhere, or whether we can get into Schulenburg's train, think he must return soon. - The weather is mild to-day and its gently snowing. Baby motored and then made a fire which he enjoyed. - The Children told you probably all about the Consecration of the Church (you must see it) and that we visited our officers afterwards. Egor gave me news you had seen him. - Thank God all goes so well in Turky - would that our fleet could have success. - I received M-me Kniazhevitch (wife lancer) who offered me money for 10 beds from my lancer ladies - and through her husband I got money from all the squadrons and shall get monthly too, to keep up 6 beds - too touching. -
Then M-me Dediulin came to thank for my note and you for the telegram which came so unexpected and touched her very deeply. - Must end now my treasure. Goodbye and God bless you, sweetest, deeply missed one. I cover your precious face with tender kisses.
Ever your very own wife. Alix.
Our love to N. P.
No. 14.
Tsarskoe Selo, Oct. 26-th 1914
My very own precious One,
I fear my letters are somewhat dull, because my heart and brain are somewhat tired and I have always the same thing to tell you. Well, this afternoon I wrote what we did. After tea we went with Alexei and Ania to the hospital and sat there for an hour and a half - several officers had gone to town as they did not know we would come. just this minute Tudels brought me a wire from Botkin, thank God he has news that hisson recovered very well and was well looked after, but taken to Budapest Oct. 1-st - Botkin returns here over Kholm. - How nice that you were there for Church; do so wonder, whether you can get for a peep to Lublin or anywhere else to see some troops. I am so glad it has been settled by the Princess and Zeidler that Shesterikov and Rudnev need not be operated, one can leave the bullets in them - its safer as they sit very deep in, and cause no pain. Both are enchanted, walk about again and went to the Consecration of the little Church this morning. - Kulinev we found less well, grown pale and suffers more from his head, poor boy. Young Krusenstern returned to his regiment. Genig lies in the red cross station; he is also contusioned in the head. lies with dark spectacles in a half dark-room. - The "Erivanetz" Gogoberidze has come to us now. - Baby says his prayers of an evening down here, so as for me not to go up, as I do much now and feel my heart needs caring after. - Tomorrow its a week we parted, and the longing that fills my heart is great. I miss my Angel terribly, but get strength by remembering the joy of all who see you and your contentment at being out there. Do you play domino of an evening I wonder! We intend going to Georgi tomorrow to see his wounded, he only knows the big girls go, about myself I did not say then I shall ask to see Sergei a minute - and go to some smaller hospitals. Now, after blessing and kissing you fondly in thought, I must put out my lamp and get to sleep - am very tired. -
27-th. I am so glad you are contented with your expedition. - We have had a busy day - 3 operations this morning, and difficult ones too, so had no time to be with ours in the little house, this afternoon were in town - went to Georgi - the wounded lie in the big room and looked contented. Sat with Sergei find him much changed, greyish complexion, not thin face, eyes strange is a little bit better, had been very bad; saw old Zander there. Then went to the Palace Hospital where wounded (and usual ill) lie - found Mr. Stuart there, lies there since 6 weeks, had typhoid. - Then off to the Constantin School on the Fontanka. There 35 men some lzmailov officers. - Am tired, have Taneyev at 6 and Svetchin with report at 6 1/2. - Miss you always, my Sunshine, think of you with yearning love. - God bless . and protect you, Nicky dear, big agoowee one. I kiss you over and over again
Ever your very own Wife Sunny. All the girls send you lots of love. We also send our love to N. P.
No. 15
Tsarskoe Selo, Oct. 27-th 1914
My own sweetest Nicky dear, I have come earlier to bed, as am very tired - it was a busy day, & When the girls went to bed at 11 , I also said goodnight to Ania, her humour towards me has been not amiable this morning - what one would call rude & this evening she came lots later than she had asked to come & was queer with me. She flirts hard with the young Ukrainian misses & longs for you - at times is colossaly gay; - she went with a whole party of our wounded to town (by chance), & amused herself immensely in the train - she must play a part & speak afterwards of herself the whole time & their remarks about her. At the beginning she was daily asking for more operations, & now they bore her, - as they take her away from her young friend, tho' she goes to him every afternoon and in evening again.
Its naughty my grumbling about her, but you know how aggravating she can be. You will see when we return how she will tell you how terribly she suffered without you, tho' she thoroughly enjoys being alone with her friend, turning his head, & not so as to forget you a bit. Be nice & firm when you return & don't allow her foot-game etc. Otherwise she gets worse after - she always needs cooling down.
Her Father came with a report to me, then Svetchin about more motors he has got for our trains. How is the news to-day, I wonder - she says our Friend is rather anxious perhaps to-morrow He will see all better again, & pray all the more for success. My Becker wired from Varsovie telling about my squadrons 5 weeks amongst the enemy. They lost 1 officer & 23 men. I always kiss & bless your cushion in the evening & long for my Lovy.
I quite understand you had no time for writing & was grateful for your daily telegrams - & I know you think of me, & that you are occupied all day long. - Dearest Treasure, this is my 7-th letter, I hope you get them alright. - Does N. P. photograph? He took his apparatus I think with him. - We had a letter from Keller again. - Css. Carlow's second daughter Merica is engaged to a Chevalier C. Orjevsky, who is only 22 the mother is not contented.
I saw in the papers that Greek Georgie & wife have left for Greece from Copenhagen via Germany, France & Italy - I am astonished one has let them through.
What is Eberhardt doing? They have been bombarding Poti.
Oh this miserable war! At moments one cannot hear it any more, the misery & bloodshed break one's heart; faith, hope & trust in God's infinite justice & mercy keep one up. - In France things go very slowly - but when I hear of success & that the Germans have great losses, I get such pang in the heart, thinking of Ernie & his troops & the many known names.
All over the world losses ! Well, some good must come out of it, & they wont all have shed their blood in vain. Life is difficult to understand - "It must be so - have patience", thats all one can say. - One does so long for quiet, happy times again ! But we shall have long to wait before regaining peace in every way. It is not right to be depressed but there are moments the load is so heavy & weighs on the whole country & you have to carry the brunt of it all.
I long to lessen your weight, to help you carry it - to stroke your brow, press you to myself. But we show nothing of what we feel when together, which happens so rarely each keeps up for the others sake & suffers in, silence - but I long often to hold you tight in my arms & let you rest your weary head upon my old breast. We have lived through so much together in these 20 years - & without words have understood each other. My brave Boy, God help you, give strength & wisdom, comfort & success.
Sleep well, God bless you - holy Angels & Wify's prayers guard your slumber.
28-th. Good morning Darling! I slept very badly, only got off after 4 & then constantly woke up again, so tiresome, just when one needs a good rest. Its warmer today & grey weather. - just before going to the hospital received your beloved letter - it was sweet of you to have rejoiced my heart like that - & I thank you from all my loving heart. - Certainly we shall come with greatest pleasure & let Voyeikov arrange all & say exactly, when to meet you - perhaps we can stop on the way out & see some hospital at Dvinsk or so - I have sent for Ressin to talk all over. - We shall then go off to Pskov tomorrow, sleep this night in the train, & be back to-morrow for dinner. Probably Babys train will arrive Thursday. - We saw Marie's at Alexander. station - the most were wounded in the legs - came from Varsovie hospitals & Grodno.
We are going to another hospital now directly. - I think, if its possible to stop perhaps at Dvinsk on the way to you, if there is time. R, is finding out about the hospitals (privately) - there we shall go as sisters -(our Friend likes us to) & to-morrow also. But being with you at Grodno we shall dress otherwise, not to make you shy driving with a nurse.
M. is coming at 9, & I shall tell him also your wish about Lavrinovsky.
Feeling myself a wound-up mashine which needs medicins to keep her up - seeing you, will help mightily.
I think of bringing Ania & Iza & 0. Evg. & perhaps one maid for the 2 girls & me, & one for the ladies (to meet you) - the less people the better & to hang less on to your train afterwards. - Its best taking Ressin I think, as a military man. - Now must end.
Blessings & kisses without end. The joy of seeing you will be intense - but hard leaving my Sunbeam. - Instead of Pskov, perhaps we might stop -with you still in some other town. - I bless you over & over again - a whole week already to-day! Work is the only remedy.
Ever your very own old
Sunny.
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This online edition was produced due to the gracious contributions of Nancy Batey, Julie Moscinski, Andrea Cotton, Dominic Albanese, Sam Robinson - and one sponsor who wishes to remain anonymous.
To read the letters of the Tsar to the Tsaritsa click here.
Comments on this website should be directed to Bob Atchison
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