NO. 28.
Tsarskoe Selo, Dec. 1st,1914
My own beloved One, This is my last letter to you before we meet - God grant in 6 days. Tomorrow its two weeks since you left & I have missed my Sweetheart m o r e than I can say. The joy to meet will be intense, only the pain to leave the little Ones for a whole week is great - I cant get accustomed to separations - sweet Agooweeone. - Thank God he is well, that is my consolation. - Oh I am so tired - so much to do & people to see the last days, there fore I could not write yesterday. - Then I went to the local hospital on Saturday, yesterday to the Invalides, to-day to our big hospital (took Alexei) & gave medals in your name they were so awfully happy & grateful poor miserable fellows. - We shall miss our sick & they were sad to bid us goodbye. - Pella lunched, & yesterday Paul took tea - he yearns for a nomination. Rostof. comes now, I want to find out why Maklakov wont allow the Americans to see how our prisoners are kept - they have been sent to Germany to see., France & England, & I find it wrong one does not show ours. - Cannot write any more. Blessings kisses without encl. -
Ever, Nicky love, your very own deeply loving old
Sunny.
Our Friend wired: "Be crowned with earthly happiness, the heavenly wreaths follow you."
No. 29
Moscow, Dec. 12-th 1914
My beloved Angel,
Once more we separate, but God grant shall meet again in 5 days. - I want to remind you to speak to Nikolasha about alowing officers to go on leave home to be treated and not to have them kept in towns, where by chance the sanitary train has brought them, - They will recover far quicker if can be near their families and some must finish their cures in the south to get their strength back, especially those wounded through the chest. - I am glad you will get one days rest in the train and being at the "Stavka" will freshen you up after these awful fatigues and endless receptions. One consolation, you have made 1000 wounded endlessly happy. - I shall try and keep a little quiet these days, more or less - as M. B. will be coming and the heart has been much enlarged these days. -
Lovy dear, why dont you nominate Groten for your hussars, they sorely are in need of a real commander.
Goodbye my treasure and sleep well, shall miss you horribly again. God bless and keep you. -
If you can, speak with Voyeikov and Benk about the Xmas-trees, for the wounded, and I shall to Viltchkovsky. Press you to my heart and kiss you ever and ever again with deepest tenderness.
Ever yr. very own
Wify.
In my glass cupboard over the writing table are candles in case you need any.
No. 30
Tsarskoe Selo, Dec. 14-th
My very own beloved One, A Feldjeger is leaving, so I hasten to send you a few lines. Agooweeone's foot is really alright, only hurts him to put it down, so he prefers not using it and for prudence's sake keeps on the sopha. Marie's angina is better, Ishe slept well and has 37, Tatiana has Mme Becker, so only gets up for luncheon. Botkin has put me to bed as heart still very much enlarged and aches and I cannot take medicins; and feel still horribly tired and achy all over. Yesterday remained on the sopha, except when went up to Marie and Baby. Alia came to me for half an hour in the evening as feels sad and lonely without her husband - she spent the night at Anias. The girls went to the hospitals after luncheon and sledging - and in the evening. To-day they will go again, and to-morrow begin their work there. - I cant, alas, as yet and am very sorry about it, as it helps me morally. - Our Friend arrives to-morrow and says we shall have better news from the war Ania goes to meet him in town. - Miechen is in town laid up with influenza; Paul one says, neither well. -
A. received 2 letters from Tchakhov, 2 from Jedigarov and Malama so touching all of them - I begged them always to give us news through A. I shall see Alrosimov tomorrow he leaves back to the regiment which soon goes to the "Stavka", and longs to see its beloved "chef" (and family) there. Won't you speak about Kirill to Nikolasha? and then tell your Mama; it wld. really be good to settle all, and now during the war its easiest being done. - Where are all the sailors now united? - Poor Botkin continues being in great anguish about his eldest son - always hopes still that he may be alive. One says the sisters (ladies) in the "otriad" of Sandra have received medals on St. Georges ribbons, as were working under fire, taking out the wounded, I think. - S u n b e a m has just gone out in the donkey sledge - he kisses you - he can put the foot down but prefers being careful so as to be soon quite alright again. - How horrid it was saying goodbye to you in Moscou, seeing you stand there amongst heaps of people (all so unlike you in every respect) and I had to bow and look at them too and smile and could not keep my eyes fixed on you, as should have wished to. - You know before our arrival to Moscou, three military hospitals with German and Austrian wounded were cleared out to Kazan -, I read the description of a young gentleman (Russian) who took them - many half dying who died on the road and never should have been moved with fearful wounds, smelling poisonously, not having been bandaged for several days - and just during their Xmas being tortured like that in no lovely sanitary trains. From one hospital they were sent even without a Dr. to bring them, only sanitaries. - I have sent the letter to Ella to enquire into this and make a good row, its hideous and to me utterly incomprehensible. At Petrograd one says scarcely a vacant bed. Babys train arrives from Varshau to-day - Loman found no wounded there, so has gone to look for them else where. Doe; that mean all is quiter these days (their Xmas and we like Christians don't profit) and therefore less losses? One longs to know something clearer. - Must stop now as my head aches yet fr. the cold, tho' the nose no longer runs. - Sashka has returned fr. the Caucasus again, one says. - Its so lonely here without you my Treasure, tenderly, beloved One, always expect the door. to open and see you enter from yr. walk. Its gently snowing. Give our love to N. P., so happy he is with you. - The Children kiss you endlessly and so does your wify. I hope you feel more rested now. - One says the Sinod gave an order there should be no Xmas trees - I am going to find out the truth about it and then make a row, its no concern of theirs nor the Churches, and why take away a pleasure fr. the wounded and children, because it originally came from Germany - the narrowmindedness is too colossal. - I saw Olga Evg. she has quite broken down after her brothers death, the nerves have given way and phisically her strength fails her, wretched soul so she needs a month's good rest and hopes then to set to work again. God bless and keep you my very own precious Nicky dear, I kiss you and press you lovingly, to my old heart, and gently stroke yr. weary brow.
Ever yr. very own old Sunny,
Can you find out whether it is true that little Alexei Orlov is wounded? It may be again gossip -, I do not know where the regiment is, and wh. one is at the General Quarter now. - Wont you ask Shavelsky to send out the Priest in the regiments more Saint Sacrements and wine, so as that more can take Holy Communion - I send what I can with our store trains, - Ella too. - -
No. 31.
Tsarskoe Selo, Dec. 15-th 1914
My beloved Darling,
Fredericks let me know that you are only returning on Friday as are going to see the troops - I am delighted for you and them, a great consolation for you all and will give them new strength. And this morning Selenetzki let me know and then Kiryll wired from town, that our dear Butakov had been killed - it is too sad, that kind good man, loved by all. How wretched his little wife will be, she who is only one bit of nerves already. Another one of our yacht friends gone already, how many more will this terrible war yet claim! - And now Botkin got the news from the regiment that his son was killed as he would not surrender - a German officer, prisoner told the news; poor man is quite broken down. I saw Afrosimov who soon r eturns to the front, but I think its too soon, he was contusioned long ago and one sees his eye blinks and he suffers from giddyness. - The Children began their work to-day and had heavy cases. My heart is still enlarged and aches, as does my head and feel so giddy - I had to come over onto the sopha as Aunt Olga comes at 4 1/2. - Marie and Dmitri wished to come to dinner, but I cant have them, feel too rotten still. - Marie has not yet come down as her throat is not quite in order, temp. normal. Baby goes out twice daily in his little donkey. sledge. - I have much to do thinking over Xmas-presents for the wounded and its difficult when one feels rotten. - I am glad you get a walk, it will have done you good. - Ella wrote in despair, trying to get to the bottom of the things about the trains and hospitals - she beleives the orders came from Petrograd. Often the orders from there are very cruel towards the wounded in the military hospitals. When she knows all, she will write to Alek. - In town there are scarcely any vacancies, don't know where I shall send my trains if they dont give me Finland. - Bright sunny day, He must have arrived, A. has gone to meet him, I only saw her a second, she was with the Children in the hospital and then lunched with them. Olga and Anastasia are sledging with Isa, Tatiana has lessons - Shura reads to Marie, Baby is out and I feel rotten. - Precious one, its lonely without you, but am glad for your sake that you are out and will see the troops. - I want so much to go to Holy Communion this Lent, if I can manage with my health. - My precious one. Goodbye now and God bless - and protect you and keep you from all harm. I press you to my heart and kiss you over and over again with gentle tenderness.
Ever your very own Wify.
Give my love to N. P. - he will be sad about Butakov. Make Feodorov go unexpected to small hospitals and poke his nose everywhere.
No. 32.
Tsarskoe Selo, Dec. 16-th 1914
My own beloved one,
A glorious, sunny day. The girls are in the hospital, Baby has just gone out, Anastasia has a lesson & Marie has not yet been let come down. - I slept badly & feel giddy & rotten, tho' just now the heart is not enlarged - am to keep lying as much as possible,. so shall only go over onto the sopha after luncheon, like yesterday. A. Olga took tea with me & was very sweet & dear - she kisses you. - Have been reading through lots of papers & feel quite idiotical. - Here I am on the sopha, had Viltchkovsky with a report, heaps of questions as he tells me everything of the evacuation committee of Y. C. wh. he is at the head of - then questions about Xmastrees. -
Mavra sent you a letter of Onors to Vicky of Sweden, to give over her love to us & to say that Ernie came for quite short after 3 months, that he left again & is well. - I enclose a letter of Keller - as it will interest you to see what he says - happily he seems not badly wounded.
From my store trains good news & begging always for more things, as the troops know them already, & when in need, turn up. - Glad my letter smelt nicely, when you got it, it was to remind you quite especially of your very own wify, who misses you awfully. -
At last Xenia is out of quarantine she let know. -
I feel still not famous, such a nuisance not to work, but I go on with my brain doing business. - I have nothing interesting to tell you, alas. Long for news of the war so anxious. -
It seems masses of sanitary trains were sent here to town instead of Moscou, whilst we were there & there are no more Vacancies at Petrograd. There is something wrong about this evacuation question, Ella is trying to clear it up on her side. - Loman has not returned, as thank God there are few wounded at the present moment. - The Children kiss you very tenderly, Wify clasps you fondly to her lonely heart, & blesses you with fervour.
Ever yr. own old
Sunny.
Messages to N P. please & the little Admiral. I spoke a second to Gr. by telephone, sends: Fortitude of spirit, - will soon come to you, will discuss everything. -
No. 33.
Tsarskoe Selo, Dec. 17-th 1914
My own precious One,
This will probably be my last letter if you return on Friday. Now you are with the troops a joy for you and them - tho' painful to see are masses of known faces missing.
The Children are working & then go to Anitchkov Palace to luncheon before receiving donations in the Winter Palace. The train with poor Butakov's body is 24 hours late, so the funeral can only be to-morrow morning.
I scarcely slept a wink this night, perhaps from 4-5 & 6-7. The rest of the time could not, & in despair kept always looking at the watch, hundred of sad thoughts coursed through my tired brain & gave it no rest. The heart again enlarged this morning - to-morrow hope to rebegin my medicines again, then I shall get quicker right again.
6 degrees this morning - Olga walks through the garden to Znamenia & fr. there on foot to the hospital, Tatiana follows in a motor after her lesson, Olga feels the better for air & short exercise in the morning. - Sonia sat with me yesterday & chattered a lot whilst I lay on the sopha & threaded Images. - Ania's brother returns to-morrow, so he asked to see me a minute at 4, - Anastasia & Ania have gone for a turn, they say its beastly cold & windy; Baby's foot hurts a wee bit, Marie is coming down at last. Thoughts so much with you - what joy to see the dear brave troops. - This morning our Friend told her by telephone that He is a little more quiet about the news. - The papers say we took German quickfiring guns at -- it does indeed seem strange! Excuse a mighty dull letter, but feel quite cretinised & good for nothing. just a wee bit of scent again to remind you quite particularly of your Wify, who is impatiently awaiting yr. return. You remember I left candles for you in my compartment in the glass cupbord over my writing table. Now my sweet Treasure goodbye & God bless & protect you. I kiss you ever so tenderly & bless you.
Ever my Nicky yr. very. own tenderly loving
Sunny.
Ania kisses yr. hand. All the Children kiss you.
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